Featured image by Roman Kogomachenko from Pixabay
Integrating the shadow is one of those exercises that sounds terribly esoteric and quite a bit harder than it actually is (aside from requiring a certain nerve). This is part of depth psychology, a practice that Jung held to be essential for mature self-realization. It is also part of the astrological underworld process, present among other places during Venus’ long superior conjunction with the sun.
The shadow is anything which is hidden from consciousness, be it through trauma or social conditioning or any number of other reasons. It includes the full range from totally unconscious unknowable things to truths you might know but cringe from, and everything in between.
I should clarify that I’m not referring to the sometimes arduous process of locating and identifying the shadow. It can be tricky indeed to disentangle our hidden motivations, wounds, character flaws, agonies or desires from the obscuring web of social taboos, limited perspectives, and pain-induced dissociation. Not to mention that some parts of ourselves are wholly unconscious: unknown and unknowable. It is sadly all too common for a person to go to the grave without ever really understanding why they do what they do, why they’re unhappy, why they always marry the wrong people or fail in their careers–forever making ridiculous decisions, falling into addiction, and never growing beyond their circumstances.
Why on Earth would a politician text naked pictures of themselves to anyone ever? Why would a famous televangelist solicit underage prostitutes? Why would a presidential candidate carry on an affair during his campaign? Repression makes fools of us all.
But if you’re lucky enough to become aware of a previously hidden part of yourself, the work of integrating the shadow is actually quite simple. People schooled in self-help tend to overdo it, but less is more with this exercise, aside from some patience and a little nerve.
All you need to do is admit it to yourself.
All you need to do is admit it to yourself, if not with compassion then at least with some degree of tolerant sobriety. This is where the nerve comes in, especially if your shadow is very taboo. “Yes, I enjoy hurting people. I like it in sex–bring on the whips! And I like it in my work life.” Nerve.
What next? Do you have to confess and make ammends, create a plan for rooting it out, work on fulfilling your taboo desires, analyze all the reasons? No. In fact those efforts can be very detrimental.
Every time it comes up, simply shrug and nod and say, “Yeah, that’s how I feel,” or “Yeah, I really like that kind of thing,” or “Yep, I am (fill in the blank with your character flaw).” You are simply making space for your shadow, without fanfare, with no expectations or need to do anything at all about it. You are practicing acceptance.
A little sense of humor helps, a little appreciation for the human condition, a little reassurance that you are certainly not the only person who has ever felt or behaved this way. You may have a good cry about it, may want to talk to someone about it. But so long as you can acknowledge it without cringing shame or righteous indignation, then the miracle can occur.
Like allowing bread to rise, your main strategy lies in patience and letting it be. Still, it’s surprising how quickly it will begin to fade or change. Suddenly, a month or two later, maybe only a day or two later, you realize it has utterly transformed or faded away without having to do anything else about it!
For in the light of consciousness, the shadow loses its power, begins to dissipate, and integrates quite naturally into your psyche. It ceases to be this powerful hidden thing, but shrinks in proportion until it becomes one of many things about you or you find yourself scratching your head, thinking, “I just don’t feel that way anymore.”
If you had jumped the gun deciding, “Well, because of that, now I’m going to do the opposite of that from here on out,” you would have missed out on the miracle!
What we resist persists. The shadow gains its power from all the energy we exert repressing, denying, hiding it. It is possible to continue to feed it after bringing it into the light by obsessing over it, working it to death, placing it on a pedestal, or using it as the ultimate excuse for our character flaws. I think we can all remember times we’ve watched someone in therapy unearth a painful truth, then watched them enshrine it and use it to justify all manner of choices or behaviors. “I can’t help it. That’s just the way I am. Because of my trauma.” We feel uneasy about this attitude for a reason. We instinctively sense that what seemed like a victory has in fact trapped them in more unconsciousness.
Whereas, the light of consciousness has an extraordinary transformative power–if we can wield it without judgment. Indeed, judgmental thinking certainly lies at the root of the counterproductive tendency to obsess over our shadow material or enshrine it as a holy truth. So awareness alone is not enough, but non-judgmental awareness works incredibly well to shrink the shadow down to its proper proportion within our psyches.
After that, your old shadow may only reappear at odd moments of stress or completely transform into something else. Cringing loathing becomes loving generosity. And the energy it frees up pours back into our life, improving mood, healing relationships, bringing peace of mind, outpourings of creativity, and wiser decisions.
If this simple method doesn’t work, then it’s likely one of two things: 1) You never actually accepted it (were you white-knuckling it the whole way, impatient to get to the part where it disappears?), or 2) An important piece remains hidden. Particularly with our truly agonizing wounds, we need the entire context and a wise perspective to really hold it all. A good therapist can help.
Once you’ve grasped the whole of it, you’ll know. You’ll feel it. And once again, this simple patient acknowledgment should be all you need to integrate the shadow. I wish you joy on your journey!
